When the boy you’re crazy about picks your drunk ass up from a bar, makes delicious gourmet spaetzle and opens a bottle of champagne…you know you’ve got something real.

How often do we prejudge someone, stating that they lack one of the most important traits which we consider to be ‘our style’, or exactly what we’re looking for in a significant other. In our minds, we have a predetermined list of characteristics which our prince charming would possess. We all do it, daydream about this handsome, caring, romantic man that will rock our world and sweep us off our feet into the sunset. Right?

So what happens when the people that we develop feelings for are so unlike these dream men that they are almost the opposite? Is it a sign that we’re settling..or are there bigger factors at work that change our game?

Or, could it be that love really is blind, and we’re only causing ourselves setbacks by following these preconceived standards?

I definitely used to have a ‘type’..and while I knew it wasn’t the type that I should be into, time and time again I found myself attracted to the bad boys. The ones that I knew weren’t going to be a long term thing, that would hurt me to the point where I’d had enough and ended it. I always assumed this was because I had walls built up that prevented me from actually dating the awesome guys..the ones that would actually have the potential to damage me emotionally after I’d fallen too hard.

Lately, I’ve been noticing myself falling (hard) for guys that are so completely not my style that it’s almost funny. However, the feelings definitely feel real…and I’m not quite sure what to do about it. Is it a sign that I’m changing, growing up even? Am i finally getting to the point where I can let myself like, maybe even love, someone? As much as I hope so…this is a scary change of pace for me.

And if all of this is true..should I just give up on the ‘type’ I feel I’m searching for, and start with a blank slate, keeping an open mind to whatever and whomever may come along?

It’s okay everyone, my luck is looking up:

DailyHoroscope for Capricorn
Nov 18 2011 
If you haven’t felt very lucky in love recently, Capricorn, you are in for a big and welcome change. Whether you are involved in a committed relationship, or you’re looking for the real thing, your path over the next few weeks will be very rewarding. If you have a significant other, your union will become closer and deeper, but you will need to do your part to keep the flame burning. If you’re searching for “the one,” you will have the chance to meet someone special if you remain open to the possibilities.

Why play it safe? If we only live once, why do we bother holding anything back? What’s stopping us from being truly self serving, making rash decisions that lead to our own fulfillment and happiness above all others?

Is it an innate biological trait, or societal pressures, that develop our conscience, and make us realize at one point or another when the decisions we made might not have been the smartest ones?

I always believed in ‘no fear, no regrets’. Do what you want, even if it scares you. No, especially if it scares you. Those are the things that are often the most worth it.

However, just recently I’m beginning to notice that my actions, while I mean for them to or not, do affect others. It’s not that I’m not a considerate person, I am. I care greatly about others, often to the point where it makes me feel sick and helpless if I know others are suffering. But, for some reason, some of my selfish , impulsive decisions over the past little while have started to come back up in my thoughts/conscience and they are now hitting me harder then ever before.

How I came to adapt this “me first” mentality I have no idea. Usually thinking of yourself to some extent is a good thing, even necessary, but apparently not when this mentality ends up coming back to you later in an even worse way.

Example: The end of what used to be a perfect situation. Read back several blog entries to the one of the perfect boy who took me on the perfect date. Ensue long distance crush..which lasted years longer then my normal crushes do. Then finally, after what felt like years of waiting..we were close to our next reunion. This reunion would take place during one of the town’s biggest drinking festivals, a time when we’d both be in town, and he had asked me to be his ‘festival girlfriend’ for the weekend. Stoked doesn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling.

The first night was perfect. High School-esque..but perfect. We got drunk, he complimented me non-stop, we snuck into his parents house (where he was staying for the weekend), and we hooked up. Woke up in each others arms, snuck me back out of the parents house, and dropped me off at the place I was supposed to be staying at. #perfectnight.

Fast forward to the next night, after we both had a long day of drinking and playing bocce (me) and playing soccer (him). I hadn’t heard much from him all day..so I was assuming I would see him back at the festival grounds. Well, that I did.

I first and finally spotted him right as I was attempting to call him. However, he was preoccupied talking to two girls, and made no effort to answer his phone. In hindsight, there’s the slight possibility that a) he didn’t hear the phone, b) the girls were just friends and c) i overreacted. Well, no. There’s no possibility I overreacted…that I know happened for sure.

Because I was upset..and incredibly over any kind of legal limit..I did what most girls would do. I got upset. However, it wasn’t the ‘i’m going to hysterically cry and make a scene and act like a 13 year old girl’ upset…it was the ‘if I can’t have the attention I want from you, I’ll get it elsewhere’ upset. “Elsewhere” was a 21 year old, super hot, super ripped, and super nice guy who took me to his boss’ house to skinny dip in his hot tub.

I mean, who wouldn’t?

The rest of the details are vague..the combination of the three day adrenaline rush that was J-fest, an insane amount of alcohol, and emotions run amok did a definite number on me…and I’m only now starting to realize the consequences of these actions.

A few months after this occurred, I get a text from my ‘festival boyfriend’, simply stating “So I hear you met my friend Ian.” Ouch. Slap in the face. (This wasn’t what made my regrets start..I clearly realized my consequences BEFORE this happened. I’m not that much of a sociopath.)

That was pretty much the end of that. We no longer talk, I creep his profile every few days still and wish I could undo what I’d done…if I could’ve just waited it out until the next morning, I probably would have realized it was an innocent situation. Probably.

The other day I was driving after a long, stupid day at work..and one of the few songs that reminded me of him came on. (Mud on the tires..the main song that reminds me of that perfect night, so long ago.) Instead of changing the station, I tortured myself by listening to it and allowing myself to get sad over the way life has turned out.

While there’s no guarantee thing would have ever gone anywhere…being the one responsible for abruptly ending it has definitely taught me a lesson: smarten the fuck up. 

no more acting like an impulsive child..at least, try not to act like an impulsive child.

The past few weeks, “The Game” has been slipping its way into conversation.  For those who don’t know, “The Game” is a book, that basically outlines different strategies for men to use to pick up women and to get them to sleep with them.

When out for breakfast with a few friends the other weekend, “A” mentioned how this one guy had complimented her jacket, to only a second later say he thought that the pockets looked funny.  The token male friend at the table piped up - “that’s straight out of the game… Compliment a girl, but then say something to make her feel vulnerable”.  The reasoning is something along the lines of that it will ruin the girls self esteem to the point where she will feel like she has to prove that she’s worthy to the man, which is apparently done by having sex with him.

Really?  This is what our world has come to?  It makes me disgusted to think that any guy would go to those lengths (this is just one example, I’m sure there are plenty of other equally sickening strategies) in order to get a girl into bed with him.  I understand the thrill of the chase when dating, but this is taking things way too far.  When you need to intentionally “hurt” someone’s feelings to get them to pay attention to you, there is something wrong here.  I really hope that girls see through these childish attempts and are smart enough to figure out that they deserve better than that.  Gross.

Why do we ignore the signs that someone might not be as great as we think they are?  Are we that desperate that we want to convince ourselves that person is worth dating?  Or do we just want to believe that person is greater than their faults?  We have to admit the problems to ourselves at one time or another so why not just do it at the beginning?

So many times I’ve listened to my girlfriends complain about the guy their dating.  ”He isn’t very affectionate” or “he’s too affectionate with other girls” or “he doesn’t seem to make me a priority” or “his family is whacko” and the list goes on and on.  I’m definitely guilty of doing this too and it makes me wonder why women put up with the things they do when it’s so glaringly evident from the start that this person is not meeting their standards.  That’s not to say the guy isn’t a good person with good values, but different people want and need different things out of a relationship and why not admit it’s not going to be for you from day one rather than making excuses, letting things build up and complicating it to the point where it’s a year later and you are starting (already) to despise (despising) the person.

That being said, dating someone who isn’t right for you can be a good lesson on how you approach dating in the future.  I was constantly making excuses my last relationship and know now that I would never put up with that kind of treatment again.  Maybe we all just need to go through something like that as a stepping stone to accepting what we like and what we don’t and to becoming better partners.